Any parent knows that having a child drastically changes the dynamics of you and your partners relationship. Time once spent lovingly gazing into each others eyes is now being spent on endless round the clock feedings and catching up on sleep, among (many) other things. It's not a theory, or assumption... These are facts! Most couples are not prepared for the hit their relationship will take as a result of having kids. Raging hormones (not the good ones either), no sleep and body image issues kinda have a way of changing the way you view a person. The purpose of this entry is to offer tips on how to reconnect as friends first and reestablish yourselves as a couple in a romantic relationship.

*******

First things first - TAKE A BREAK!!! (with each other) Everyone knows that this is your baby and that you know what is best for him or her. Now that that's understood, get a babysitter. If your parents live close, they probably are dying to look after your little one for a little while. Take advantage of this so you can change out of your sweats, play dress up and go on a much needed date with your significant other... And while I'm on the subject, why are you still wearing those same old sweats anyway? Try to shower and dress presentably everyday. I say try because showering never seemed so far at the bottom of my to do list until I was caring for a newborn. And I promise I wore the same 3 sets of sweats / T shirts until TJ was 3 months old... but I digress... The sight of a nice and clean wife / girlfriend at the door tells your man that you care enough to be pleasing to him. It also reminds him of what attracted him to you even before your new baby came along.

So we have covered "date night", but you can have "date night" every night... After you put your baby down to sleep, try to put off passing out for at least 1 hour. Use this hour to bond with your significant other in a sort of post work ritual. DO NOT talk about the baby during this time. Instead, watch a movie, play board games or just talk about the highlights of your day.

Next - TAKE A BREAK!!! (by yourself) Let your SO watch the baby and go get a pedicure or facial. Watch the baby while he goes to the gym or plays golf. The point is get away from each other for a bit so you can miss each other a little and tend to your own needs. This will also make the time you spend together more special. You will also get a chance to connect with yourself during your "me time".

Next (this actually should have been first) - COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS! You may feel like the whole burden of keeping house, caring for the baby and your SO needs falls solely on your shoulders. He may be feeling overwhelmed by the thought of having to provide for someone forever. Talk to each other about these feelings. Unexpressed emotions just turn to resent in these situations. A good conversation without fault finding and finger pointing can lead to positive resolutions for both of you.

Remember that everything doesn't have to change just because you are parents now. Turn old traditions into new traditions as an entire family. If you used to enjoy going for walks in the park, you can still enjoy these with baby in tow. Being parents should not get in the way of your relationship with each other. After all, your new baby is a beautiful reminder of the relationship you once had.

Labels: Baby, Marraige, Parents, Relationship