Any parent knows that having a child drastically changes the dynamics of you and your partners relationship. Time once spent lovingly gazing into each others eyes is now being spent on endless round the clock feedings and catching up on sleep, among (many) other things. It's not a theory, or assumption... These are facts! Most couples are not prepared for the hit their relationship will take as a result of having kids. Raging hormones (not the good ones either), no sleep and body image issues kinda have a way of changing the way you view a person. The purpose of this entry is to offer tips on how to reconnect as friends first and reestablish yourselves as a couple in a romantic relationship.

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First things first - TAKE A BREAK!!! (with each other) Everyone knows that this is your baby and that you know what is best for him or her. Now that that's understood, get a babysitter. If your parents live close, they probably are dying to look after your little one for a little while. Take advantage of this so you can change out of your sweats, play dress up and go on a much needed date with your significant other... And while I'm on the subject, why are you still wearing those same old sweats anyway? Try to shower and dress presentably everyday. I say try because showering never seemed so far at the bottom of my to do list until I was caring for a newborn. And I promise I wore the same 3 sets of sweats / T shirts until TJ was 3 months old... but I digress... The sight of a nice and clean wife / girlfriend at the door tells your man that you care enough to be pleasing to him. It also reminds him of what attracted him to you even before your new baby came along.

So we have covered "date night", but you can have "date night" every night... After you put your baby down to sleep, try to put off passing out for at least 1 hour. Use this hour to bond with your significant other in a sort of post work ritual. DO NOT talk about the baby during this time. Instead, watch a movie, play board games or just talk about the highlights of your day.

Next - TAKE A BREAK!!! (by yourself) Let your SO watch the baby and go get a pedicure or facial. Watch the baby while he goes to the gym or plays golf. The point is get away from each other for a bit so you can miss each other a little and tend to your own needs. This will also make the time you spend together more special. You will also get a chance to connect with yourself during your "me time".

Next (this actually should have been first) - COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS! You may feel like the whole burden of keeping house, caring for the baby and your SO needs falls solely on your shoulders. He may be feeling overwhelmed by the thought of having to provide for someone forever. Talk to each other about these feelings. Unexpressed emotions just turn to resent in these situations. A good conversation without fault finding and finger pointing can lead to positive resolutions for both of you.

Remember that everything doesn't have to change just because you are parents now. Turn old traditions into new traditions as an entire family. If you used to enjoy going for walks in the park, you can still enjoy these with baby in tow. Being parents should not get in the way of your relationship with each other. After all, your new baby is a beautiful reminder of the relationship you once had.

Labels: Baby, Marraige, Parents, Relationship

Ok... So I have had like 6 friends and family members get engaged since Christmas, so I thought I would offer a bit of advice for planning the perfect wedding on a not so perfect budget. What makes me an expert in this area you ask? Nothing at all, but I am an event planner, have been engaged and am probably thriftier than both our grandmothers... so stay tuned...

So, lets say you are working with a budget of $1000. You can plan and execute a quality event with this limited budget in 3 easy steps.

1. Location, Location, Location - If it's Spring or Summer I suggest having an outdoor wedding. Contact your local parks and recreation department to inquire about area parks. Most offer some sort of shelter or maybe even a lake with an area to perform your cermony. What if it rains you ask... By corresponding with the parks dept. they should offer a contingency plan for this. Make sure to inquire about it when calling around and make sure it's covered in your contract if you sign one. For indoor weddings, again, just call around. Most churches will let you use their facility for a fee if you are not a member. If you choose to get married on a weekday, you could probably keep the total below $100 for your venue. Weekends are always more expensive. Lastly, if you have a friend or family member with a house and/or back yard, this could serve as the perfect location for an intimate ceremony. Best thing about this: they would probably let you use it for next to free, and you don't have to worry about what day you choose! But, don't forget about the minister. You should pay him around $100. And make sure you have proper arrangements if the location of the ceremony cannot convert into a reception venue... I would suggest having both at the same place tho...

2. It's All About The Clothes! - Now that you have the where figured out, you need to figure out what your gonna wear! Shopping for a wedding dress is no doubt one of the most exciting experiences a woman goes through. With a $1000 budget-- actually it's probably about $800 now-- I would start my dress search at the local thrift store. "Oh my God!", you say, "I would never in my life..." I love thrift stores anyway tho, but think about it... Most rich people wear there wedding dress one time and donate it along with all the rest of their expensive stuff they don't want anymore to charity. All this stuff ends up in thrift stores across the nation. If you have patience, and hand sanitizer, you can make some amazing finds.... You will have to get your dress altered to fit you perfectly regardless to if it's new or gently used, so start looking early and you may luck up! Also check out your local bridal boutiques and chain retailers (David's Bridal etc...)... Thay almost always have a $99 sale and a clearance rack. What if one of those $99 dresses is maked 30% off!!! You see where I'm going with this... Now on to your soon to be hubby's attire... You can find a nice suit for less than $100 at places like K&G, The Men's Warehouse, Macy's... You just have to shop around to find something that fits the theme of your wedding. You can find shoes for both of you for less than $50 at Payless or Target. Remember that your braidsmaids and groomsmen and all members of your wedding party are responsible for covering the costs of their attire. I suggest going to the paint department in Wal-Mart and choosing the color you want them to wear (Get some of those paint color sample thingies and give them to everyone). At this point, it is up to that person to find something in that specific color that fits them well and is within their budget... Once you have your dress and suit, you will need to have them altered to fit perfectly. Male sure to have this started early, as some can take months to complete. These prices vary, but call around and check references to find the best deal for you.

3. This Is So Beautiful... - Lets say you pay $100 for your dress, $100 for his suit, and $100 for 2 pairs of shoes... you should be working with about $500 now... We must decorate our venue. The first place you should go is the dollar store. Which one? All of them... you can find artificial flowers, rose petals, bows, table clothes, candles and candle holders... everything you need basically.... It will be a big task, but you can make your own bouquets, bouttaniers, center pieces and chair decorations.... Start early and have your bridal party pitch in... It'll be fun! I suggest Buying a lot of tea light candles and fake rose petals... just sprinkle those around the room and boom! Instant ambiance... You can buy an really inexpensive cake at Kroger or any local grocry store for like $50... You could always make one too, just go to your local bakery to see if they will sell you those little stands to hold up layers and the little people on top (they will)... Also, if you have a family like mine, they won't mind cooking for the big event... Or you could do it pot luck style and have each guest bring a dish. If you go this route, make sure you know what each person is bringing! I would make my reception BYOB if we had any liquor at all... If they want anything harder than the champaign provided to toast the new couple, they need to bring it themselves. The food and drinks are always the biggest wedding expense, so any way around this will help out your bottom line tremendously. You can buy a wedding cd for music...

So, I think that about covers it... I'm sure their are some knicks and knacks I left off, but this was just to get you started in the right direction... If you can plan and do all this with $1000, imagine how awesome of a wedding you could have for $5000.

The moral of the story: You don't have to spend you entire savings to have an amazing wedding!!! Mika, Kena, Daveka, Setara, Erika & Keyshia: Congratulations and I hope this helps!

Labels: $1000, budget, Marraige, perfect, planning, wedding